The Fundamental of Directive Communication

Today is the Eid Celebration. Hari Raya Aidiladha – or Hari Raya Qurban. Qurban means sacrifice. Today I have sacrifice my time with my family to celebrate the Eid, instead I signed-up for an interesting course: Train the Trainer – Colored Brain Communication Facilitator Certification

What did I learn today?

The Foundation of Directive Communication.

How Your Environment Affects You
In communication, how you act will determine how people re-act on you. Have you ever been in a situation where you talk nicely to a nice people. How will he/she reply the conversation?
Of course in a nice manner. On the other hand, have you ever talk to someone in a negative manner. What type of reply did you get? Negative, of course. This simple illustration explains how you act to your environment determine what are the response you get.
> If you don’t like how people treat you – Change Strategy. Change The Way You Communicate!

The Concept of Hero and a Villain
If you love to watch movies, in any movie there will be a hero. So, what do hero basically do? The hero always is the one who saves the day. But if you go one step further, what makes him saves the day and being called as a hero?

In the movie, there will be an opposite character of Hero – which is the Villain. For example, in Batman – Joker is the one that makes all the mess. What did Batman do? He eliminate the villain. In other word, villain is a problem. And why the story become meaningful? Because Batman helps to solve the problem by eliminating the villain, which is the Joker.

Problems is something that people perceive as a negative thing or stumbling block for us to achieve something. But if we change our perspective to look at a problem, problem actually an opportunity for us to become a hero. The bigger the problems, if you solve it, the bigger the hero you will be. So choose, which one you want to be? A small hero, or a BIG hero?

The Four Insanities
Problems generally created by human. And most of them because of communication.
Communication problems normally cost one of these four categories:
1. Common sense is Obvious – common sense is not obvious. What you perceive as common sense does not necessary common sense to other people. Your reality might not the same as others reality.

2. If you can do it, others should be able to do it – Sometimes when you do something simple, other people might find it difficult. Your ability might not be the same as others ability. If you thing it is do able, it might not easy for others to do it.

3. People should be fair – fair enough that people should be fair. But the problem is, your definition of fair is not the same as others. What it mean fair to you might not be the same to others.

4. Truth is universal – Even something that you think it is true, might not appear true to others. Other people have different believe on what truth is all about.
> If you are having problems with your communication, look back at this four items. Did the communication falls into this four categories?

Reticular Activating System (RAS)
RAS is a radar inside your brain that going to activate to whatever you focus on. The famous movie the Secret actually based on this theory of RAS. Whatever you focus on expand. If you focus on abundance, abundance will appear. Vice versa. When you focus on abundance, it might be the abundance is already there. But if we are not focusing on it, our RAS did not activated. And we might not notice it is in-front of us. It is important for you to look into whatever you are focusing on.

Why do we need RAS?
RAS act like a filter to your brain. If your brain needs to absorb everything that you see, then your brain might be overloaded.
Your reality is based on what you are focusing on. The RAS is a tool, you control it! Your fulfillment or insanity is determined by how you use it.

Your RAS will determine your behavior
Have you ever come into a situation whereby a new guy joined your company. Suddenly, people are talking bad about him. And you believe whatever people said bad about him. What happened the next time you talk to the person? Your RAS will try to look into the bad site of the person. Even thought 80% of the person is positive, you try to seek for the 20% because you believe he is a bad guys. Your brain will proof it, because you are focusing on bad.

The Same Vision
Everybody wants to achieve the organizational goals. Most of the time, employee wants to as much as they can help their organization to achieve their organizational goal. However, most of the time, their behaviour does not support that.

People are focusing on the PROCESS, not the OBJECTIVE.

You Are Right!
People like when they are told that they are right. However, whenever something goes wrong, people don’t want to admit that they are wrong. Because they don’t like to be wrong.
But somebody or somewhere must be wrong. The RAS is activated and the brain finds way to justify that we are right. What did normally people do? Finding someone or somebody to BLAME!

What happened when we BLAME???
When we BLAME, we waste our time, lose focus of the objective, lose trust, lose respect, damage reputation and this effects relationship.

What should we do instead?
STOP BLAMING! Put a sign of NO BLAME ZONE! and try to make fun of anybody who are blaming. We should focus on finding the root cause and together solve the problems.

The are 2 ways of Behaviour Modification Strategy:
1. Positive Reinforcement – Finding people doing the right behavior and emphasize on the good behaviour. Remember, what we focus on expands. And if we tell the other people what they do right, that behaviour will expand!
2. Negative Bahaviour Redirection – Use the opposite words. Example: If a person always comes in late, the next time if he is early, tell them that he is early. Tell them that he is always early. If you did this with repitition, the RAS will automatically re-programmed to come early.

Encoded Assumptions and Rules of Engagement
Most of the time we assume. And how we assume is normally based on previous experience. For example, wives must never raise voice to a husband. If your wife raise her voice, you find it violating your assumption. You will react negatively. This negative reaction is Rules of Engagement.

How to Overcome this?
You need to aware what is your assumption, and what happens when people violate your assumptions. Once you identify this, whenever you feel your assumptions have been violated, quickly change your focus. Your RAS will immediately change so that you don’t behave negatively.

Basically that is the summary of the lesson learn today. If you need to know more, drop me a comment and we’ll take it from there.

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